yes i like you

As a female and a hopeless romantic there is a difference between knowing a boy likes you and KNOWING a boy likes you. knowing the object of your affection shows interest feels good but that doesn't mean hes totally into you. Feelings only go so deep. So the other night when the fellow and I were laying in bed we were talking and i simply asked him if he really liked me. I mean we'd been talking, flirting, hanging out, talking about the future for almost 2 years now but now its different. now i'm in his focus and we can really start a relationship but he's still a guy. Guys are pretty dense when it comes to this sort of thing and even though i've made it clear that i want to be pursued and i'm not going to just give it up to anybody, i wanted to know before things went any further. He made a joke about it and we laughed but as we lay there in silence for about 5 minutes enjoying eachothers company he whispers that yes, he does like me and kisses me. it was so romantic and at that moment my fairytale continued. I mean for anyone that knows us it was obvious that he was into me but a girl likes to be reassured every once in a while. our circumstances have changed and this is a big deal. He has gone on to reassure me several more times this week and we continue to grow closer and stronger. The difference in him is amazing and i love it. he doesn't seem as distant as he once was and we are finally connecting. i guess it just took a little focusing on his part to come up with it! I definatly love him but i'm not in love with him. not yet but i am excited for the journey of getting there.

This year's Love is made to last

A quick update from the last post. The friend in question did get in contact with me. Her phone was messed up, like i said it would be, and she got a new phone and number. She's still selfish and immature.

Anyway on to more important and adult matters.   The boy is a free man now and even managed to find a job the very next day!!!! The job thing was definatly something i was worried about but he found one. I am so proud of him. I really think things will be ok for the both of us. I got to see him sunday night too!!! While we aren't official yet and now that he is more available to me we will really try and get things started but of course the last thing i want to do is keep him from progress but he knows that. I didn't expect to see him for a good bit b/c he's got family and friends he hasn't spent time with but he told me not to worry. We should be hanging out again on Saturday. i can't wait ;). He showed affection towards me in front of others and that is a BIG step for any couple no matter who it was in front of. We've waited so long for this time together and I'm not going to let it slip by! The fact that he found a job so quick only proves to me that he's serious about getting himself together and moving forward to success. plus that also means we should have our date sooner rather than later and possible a nice Valentine's gift! lol. nah the Valentine's gift doesn't matter to me. I'm getting him something nice though. he got me haircare products for Christmas and i looked it up online and he spent a nice amount on it and i got him a $10 journal that was on sale for $5. so I think what i'm getting him for Valentine's Day will make up for it!

Tootles til next time!

Friend or Foe

I am a good person. That is my problem. My heart is too big and I hate hurting people but does that mean I deserve to try and hold on to people that don't bother to spare my feelings? I have a "friend" that is younger than me so I give exception many times about her lack of consideration and maturity. oh she thinks she's grown but she has a LOT of growing up to do. I just sit back and watch her learn and she always comes back to me saying she finally understand what i try to tell her. Well I'm to the point now that I'm over her lack of maturity and consideration. I am supposed to be her best friend. The one she always comes to no matter what, hell I know most of her secrets but the past month she has been distant. I don't appreciate being a part time friend. i have text her twice this week with no response, last week her phone got turned off apparently and she said she had no way of getting in contact with me. SHE suggests plans and always breaks them. I'm not doing that anymore. My time is about to be limited to her anyway as my fellow and I are about to start spending waaaay more time with eachother. I'm 27. I don't have time for playing a waiting game. I don't have many friends but at least with my other friends they have a legit excuse. they're married! i don't expect them to spend as much time with me anymore. I'm not a partier and never have been but i rather party with those that are my age and can handle it than party with an underage person thinking they're cool when they're not.

I just hate growing apart from someone I got so close to. She's been there with me through everything. I'm sure she will soon text me giving me the same old tired excuse of being "busy" or her phone got shut off. again. or no gas and all that. she still owes me money! not much but i guess i'll never see it. I just have too much faith in people and in turn those you care about the most, it hurts when they let you down. oh well, you live you learn!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Well, here it is again. A new year and a new set of hopes! It just took me over an hour to figure out what account i was using to even post this. I have it written down now so that won't be happening again! I checked out what my last entry was. August. so much has happened since then. I had written how the guy i was talking to was great. things were great and going my way and so excited that he didn't seem pushy. too bad later in the month he decided to push me away and make me feel like i was nothing but a tease when in reality there was nothing that could be done the way he wanted to! lucky for him he came to his senses and realized he was being a dick b/c he doesn't know how to talk to people! We had our fight in September, and then the World Series rolled around. he argued and was mean about that b/c I'm all about the Reds and he's a Cards fan. he just kept on and on about it. then we fought again in October when things came to a head and the ex girlfriend got involved. so we ended up not talking for about a month and he came back around in December. turns out he had some family issues going on that were pretty big and he didn't know how to tell me about them so he pushed me away. we are better than ever now! he will be free in less than 3 weeks and his new life can begin.

2013 is going to be AWESOME!!! I am so excited to see what this year will bring. Ive got a pageant next month that I hope i do well in, Disney in June, camp in July, hopefully the national pageant in July, becoming an official couple with the boy sometime in there, praying for a new better paying and tolerable job and whatever else wants to be thrown at me! i'm ready. of only i could start school the way I wanted. that's the only downfall b/c since i defaulted on a loan i didnt know about, i can't get any more loans so i'm stuck and it sucks! so i figure the government will take my taxes for it. mama said something about them taking it and am still expected to pay on the loan. i'll be damned! i guess i'll never go back to school b/c the government will not be taking my tax money and still make me pay. i'm already in debt enough as it is!

but enough of that negativity that hasn't even happened yet.

Happy New Year to you and hopefully now that I have the correct email address in hand, I will update more often!

is that sunshine coming out your butt?

I sit here trying to make an update but can't even put into works how happy I am at the moment!!!!  The boy and I have began the official getting together process in May and here we are mid August and I have never been so happy about something. EVER! 3rd times a charm right? technically we have been trying to be together for over a year and half and at this point he had been trying to get with me for about 2 years now. girlfriend or not we've always had something and now we can actually be together. granted our relationship can't develop much in a public setting until after January but i think that is going to make us that much stronger and better. no rush on either of our parts but we can't wait to get the ball rolling!

in other exciting and pleasing news, things are just going well. this last quarter of the year is going to be a good one and i can't wait! 2013 is going to be a fabulous year!!!

time just flies by

all i can say right now is that Life is Wonderful. while I have reason to stress i'm not letting what i can't control stress me out. money is something no one every has enough of even when you're rich. i have less than $100 in my bank account and i have over $500 in bills to be paid. I'm working 2 jobs and stupid gas prices want to fluctuate. Money is the root of all evil but you know what? i'm not letting it stress me out.

i DO have 2 jobs so that definatly helps, i DO still have my car that i am working soley to pay on, i still have a roof over my head, good to eat, and my good health. Things could be so much worse than they are but God has my back and everything will work out. it always does. once i start making more money it will come in so handy.

as far as the romance in my life goes, it is progressing :). Things are finally going my way. its been 2 years in the making but the boy that wanted me to begin with is almost 100% mine. we are unofficially official, even after a year and a half he still wants to take time to "feel me out" which is perfectly fine with me. i'm just glad its working out. ive waited a long time for this and am extremely happy! we're working on month 3 now and i can't wait to see what else is in store for us. its nice to be pursued by a guy that really likes you and is willing to go at my pace rather than try and push you or expect something so soon. *le sigh*

that's all for now! gonna rest til i get to see him. hopefully before work!

have a little faith

its been a few days since my last post. its not even that nothing happens between postings but i just feel i have to have a strong sense of purpose to write something. and today is that day. i've been having dreams about the one young man i just know i'm going to marry. anyway he's been in my dreams a lot lately and as i've said before, its been stated that if people show up in your dreams then they are thinking about you. i always thought it was b/c they were on your mind but i guess that can make sense. either way he's always in the back of my mind and i just know he's going to break soon enough. lol.

he continues to be in my dreams in some form. i'm ok though. its just not time to call him mine yet.

*update* this young man ended up texting me a week later. haha.