le sigh

the past few weeks have been rather emotional for me as far as my heart and feelings go. on Valentine's Day i was having a great day. the majority of people i was working with were enjoyable, i made decent money for such a night, and i had to close but i digress. it was a text i got from a blast from the past person that threw me for a loop. see my heart is pretty much split intwo by two different guys. i know what its like to be in love with two people at the same time but my heart definatly goes to the blast from the past. it was a random text but it was enough to have all the memories and emotions flooding back to me with him. i replied back but heard nothing else. turns out he broke up with his girlfriend that night and judging by the facebook update of such it was around the same time he text me. its not the first time this has happened. but a week went by and i heard nothing from him. so i wrote it exactly a week later and we taked for a couple hours but as luck would have it, they are back together. i'm not suprised and there was no real indication he was interested but the pattern is this, when he breaks up with his girlfriends he always comes back to me if even for a short period of time.  either way i just want him to be happy and his gf is adorable.

as far as the other guy goes its been a week since i've gotten a letter but it doesn't bother me b/c i understand he probably doesn't have access to the materials. i know i'll hear from him soon though.

I will always love you

Lord why'd you take her! Why Whitney!!!! WHYYYYYY! i am very sad about the passing of the great Whitney Houston. she was beautiful and talented but let the Hollywood lifestyle get the best of her along with Bobby's struggles as well. i've been listening to her songs and had forgotten she even sang some of the greatest songs in the 90's! I'm so glad she left a legacy of great dance songs and songs that can relate to every aspect to the emotion of love.

Speaking of love, I am IN love and it is such a wonderful feeling! Time will eventually work out in my favor but for now i'm going to embrace what ive been given :)

yeah, its like that

Waking up with a smile on your face b/c of nothing at all is the BEST feeling ever! this is what being in love feels like so that means 1 of 2 things are gonna take place. God is either teasing me with these feelings and everything will come crashing down soon OR God is finally giving me what i've desired and its my time to finally be happy. i am confident that something good is going to come from these feelings. i'm just going to live in the moment and love him as much as i can for as long as he'll let me <3

Praise it i'm back!

*waves* hey to those that don't read this. haha. i got locked out of my account and just now figured out the correct password combination.

anyway, so much has happened since my last post.  i am proud to say i am still in love more than ever with a certain person. and its not the 18 year old :). he still has a piece of my heart but another piece has gone to someone else. it has now been over a year since our twisted relationship has began and i wouldn't change it for anything. our relationship is as complicated as it gets and i'm not ashamed to be in it. we both wish things could be different but the timing just happens to be off at the moment. its just sad when 2 people want to be together but cant due to circumstances beyond their control.  it happens and people can judge it all they want but until they've been put in that situation it really is different. i used to say the same thing. that men that cheated were dogs and i would never fall into that kind of category. i admit, i am a hussy.  i know about the girlfriend yet i continue to do what i'm doing. ive decided i'm just going to live in the moment b/c their moment will come to an end. actually in reality they will probably end up married b/c he has gotten so far trapped into it that he can dig himself out anymore. 

feel free to judge, roll your eyes, call me a bitch but you don't want in my shoes or feel what i feel. you can't help who you fall for.

in other news, my laptop is back up and running.  i finally was able to purchase a new adapter for it and after a few hours of installing the updates from 3 months of not being used she's ready to be used again! she is definatly older b/c the battery doesn't hold up like it used to. i've had this computer for several years now though, since 2006 or 7 so i could use a new one but this one works just fine for my needs. i'm not in school and using it strictly for personal use.

i still hate my job and always looking for a new one! had an interview yesterday so lets hope i get it! a 3rd job wont be so bad!

ttfn!