Changes

So i have come to the conclusion that i am just not meant to have anyone to call my own and you know what? that is ok. my dreams have certainly told me that nothing will be going my way at this time and i believe it. i can't find a new job no matter how many i apply for, my job makes me miserable, my friends are failing me, and i just generally unhappy but i'm coming to terms with it. i'm either working or sleeping. that is what my life consists of these days but i rather go on a vacation. a vacation far far away from this place for a very very long time. i need to get away in the worst way. i had thought about not going on the cruise with my family but i'm going. i need to get away and i can always go back to the cabin for solice b/c i refuse to let anyone ruin my trip.

now as far as the boy goes i'm ok with it. things have happened and suprisingly i'm not hurt as much as i thought i could be. i'm the other woman. period. i have no rights in that particular relationship so i really don't have the right to get upset when he's doing things for his girlfriend but what hurts the most out of the whole situation, what he did was OUR thing. at least i thought it was so if he could do it now who's to say he didn't do the same things with her in the beginning of their own relationship? he's lies to me all the time anyway so i guess it doesn't come as big of a shock.  i'm sure in due time i will be in contact with him but right now i'm not concerned with it. he was in my dreams over the weekend and it was a positive dream which is what is weird. oh well, i deserve better and maybe he will grow up enough to realize what he's missing out on.

as far as the other boy goes, it never fails that every few months i manage to miss him and fall for him all over again and the saddest part about it is this, he does absolutely nothing for me to do so. he's just himself and i can't help at laugh at the things he posts on facebook b/c i can hear him and see him saying what he posts. he loves me :) he just has to become older to realize just how much :)

Make that Change

Today i woke up and didn't even have the urge to check my facebook.  progress is being made. i've also come to the conclusion that i'm going to revert back to my old reclusive ways. i have nothing better going on.  i work all the time and its not like i have a line of people wanting to hang out so i'll just do what i need to do on my own.  i'm going to join a gym soon. i 'm pretty excited about that.  i was going to start going to Bingo on Thursday nights but now i'm scheduled to work Thursdays so there goes that plan! but i'm still working on that new job thing.

something else i'd like to talk about today is friendship. i don't have a big circle of close friends. i don't even have a big circle of friends to chill with. and when those you consider your closest friends don't bother to try and contact you but once every week or 2 its rather insulting that there is a lack of communication and care. i'm done giving and giving and giving and not getting anything in return. i know you're arent suppose to expect anything but i've always been this way. i don't expect anything for the sake of my heart, its because those around me are that transparent and that is sad. 

Over it

As of tomorrow night it would have been an entire week since i last logged onto Facebook. the first couple days were definatly the hardest b/c well, i've checked it everyday for the past 6 friggin years!!!!  then i got sad b/c i realized that i dont have as many friends as i thought i did. at least any friends that would even notice i wasn't online anymore.  so tonight i decided to sign back in and see what i missed and all i can say is, i deactivated it once again. i missed NOTHING! the same old shit by the same people! its sad really that here i was all sad that no one seemed to care that i was gone when all that i'm surrounded by are shallow people.  the best thing i could have done is deactivate and step away from this quickly becoming irellevant waste of space on the internet.  will i sign back in later, most definatly b/c i can't get on Pinterest w/o it but i will definatly be lessening my time on it.  i feel so much better already!

in other news, my fat is getting out of control! i'm looking at my stomach right not and I am so disappointed in myself but not much i can really do at the moment. i think i'm just bloated :) lol.  that gym membership is getting close!

Miss me yet? Guess not.

So on Tuesday i made the decision to deactivate my Facebook account for several reasons. I have been thinking about it for a while now, i'm talking months, and something just hit me that it needed to be done.  I've gotten so tired of all the changes no one wants, all the drama on my newsfeed, those stupid games, constant updates of nothingness, the game requests that i don't play, and just plain dumbness. I'm tired of being scared of scrolling down my feed and seeing something i don't want to in regards to things that shouldn't matter to me. things such as a the boy issues! i have already "unsubscribed" from one person's updates to save me from seeing her proclaim her love for the boy that doesn't love her back with the same passion when in face he cares for me too. the other i can't stand to see her be so happy with my one true love that doesn't have a clue. they are great for eachother and i am VERY happy for them but i rather not see it. 

its only been 3 days and i am BORED! so bored.  i do miss it and not knowing whats going on with my friends but that sad thing is, only one of my friends have even noticed something amiss.  i've been on facebook since 2005 and not once have i not been on there without explanation! i've been waiting for my other friends to hit me up asking what's up but so far nothing. I kind of like the silence of my phone but its not like i had that many people blowing up my phone in the first place. I'm a pretty lonely person.  Here it is, Friday night and not even those i call my besties offered to get together. the one person that i always talked to via text isn't available to do so at the moment so i definatly know where i stand in society. All my friends are mostly married while the one single best friend i do have has other things to do that young people do. 

But i can't say that i'm really concerned about the lack of concern from my peers. like i said, its only been 3 days so my stalkers probably haven't even noticed yet and those that have just aren't alarmed that my page looks different and i no longer have a picture OR they think i've just deleted them. lol. 

In the time i've had away i've managed to read The Hunger Games and Catching Fire. I'm currently on the 3rd book. i've still managed to get distracted by other things i've found to replace Facebook. I really don't know how long i'll stay away. maybe just a week, maybe a month, or maybe longer. i'm just going through withdrawal but i hope those that i consider friends notice soon so its not done in vain.