So i have come to the conclusion that i am just not meant to have anyone to call my own and you know what? that is ok. my dreams have certainly told me that nothing will be going my way at this time and i believe it. i can't find a new job no matter how many i apply for, my job makes me miserable, my friends are failing me, and i just generally unhappy but i'm coming to terms with it. i'm either working or sleeping. that is what my life consists of these days but i rather go on a vacation. a vacation far far away from this place for a very very long time. i need to get away in the worst way. i had thought about not going on the cruise with my family but i'm going. i need to get away and i can always go back to the cabin for solice b/c i refuse to let anyone ruin my trip.
now as far as the boy goes i'm ok with it. things have happened and suprisingly i'm not hurt as much as i thought i could be. i'm the other woman. period. i have no rights in that particular relationship so i really don't have the right to get upset when he's doing things for his girlfriend but what hurts the most out of the whole situation, what he did was OUR thing. at least i thought it was so if he could do it now who's to say he didn't do the same things with her in the beginning of their own relationship? he's lies to me all the time anyway so i guess it doesn't come as big of a shock. i'm sure in due time i will be in contact with him but right now i'm not concerned with it. he was in my dreams over the weekend and it was a positive dream which is what is weird. oh well, i deserve better and maybe he will grow up enough to realize what he's missing out on.
as far as the other boy goes, it never fails that every few months i manage to miss him and fall for him all over again and the saddest part about it is this, he does absolutely nothing for me to do so. he's just himself and i can't help at laugh at the things he posts on facebook b/c i can hear him and see him saying what he posts. he loves me :) he just has to become older to realize just how much :)
No comments:
Post a Comment