is that sunshine coming out your butt?

I sit here trying to make an update but can't even put into works how happy I am at the moment!!!!  The boy and I have began the official getting together process in May and here we are mid August and I have never been so happy about something. EVER! 3rd times a charm right? technically we have been trying to be together for over a year and half and at this point he had been trying to get with me for about 2 years now. girlfriend or not we've always had something and now we can actually be together. granted our relationship can't develop much in a public setting until after January but i think that is going to make us that much stronger and better. no rush on either of our parts but we can't wait to get the ball rolling!

in other exciting and pleasing news, things are just going well. this last quarter of the year is going to be a good one and i can't wait! 2013 is going to be a fabulous year!!!

time just flies by

all i can say right now is that Life is Wonderful. while I have reason to stress i'm not letting what i can't control stress me out. money is something no one every has enough of even when you're rich. i have less than $100 in my bank account and i have over $500 in bills to be paid. I'm working 2 jobs and stupid gas prices want to fluctuate. Money is the root of all evil but you know what? i'm not letting it stress me out.

i DO have 2 jobs so that definatly helps, i DO still have my car that i am working soley to pay on, i still have a roof over my head, good to eat, and my good health. Things could be so much worse than they are but God has my back and everything will work out. it always does. once i start making more money it will come in so handy.

as far as the romance in my life goes, it is progressing :). Things are finally going my way. its been 2 years in the making but the boy that wanted me to begin with is almost 100% mine. we are unofficially official, even after a year and a half he still wants to take time to "feel me out" which is perfectly fine with me. i'm just glad its working out. ive waited a long time for this and am extremely happy! we're working on month 3 now and i can't wait to see what else is in store for us. its nice to be pursued by a guy that really likes you and is willing to go at my pace rather than try and push you or expect something so soon. *le sigh*

that's all for now! gonna rest til i get to see him. hopefully before work!

have a little faith

its been a few days since my last post. its not even that nothing happens between postings but i just feel i have to have a strong sense of purpose to write something. and today is that day. i've been having dreams about the one young man i just know i'm going to marry. anyway he's been in my dreams a lot lately and as i've said before, its been stated that if people show up in your dreams then they are thinking about you. i always thought it was b/c they were on your mind but i guess that can make sense. either way he's always in the back of my mind and i just know he's going to break soon enough. lol.

he continues to be in my dreams in some form. i'm ok though. its just not time to call him mine yet.

*update* this young man ended up texting me a week later. haha.

Everyone wants their 15 minutes

So i just read an article of a grandmother trying out to be a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader. i've read stories like this before. unfortunatly in today's society, grandmothers aren't what they used to be. when i think of grandma, i think of older lady that knits or something. Now don't get me wrong, i think its great that some grandmother and even grandfathers are still out there doing their thang but grandmothers are just not what they used to be. Grandmothers today are more and more becoming only 10's and 20 years older than their grandchildren! Look around. how many teenage and early 20's parents do you see these days? how many of those children's parents are probably in their 30's or early 40's? Maybe i'm just bitter b/c i'm 27 and don't have any prospects and will be one of those older mothers that i never wanted to be. but the lady in question i am talking about is 55, blonde, fit, and has 2 grandchildren. does she look old? yeah. like any other older white lady that tries to hold on to their youth for as long as they can. the article stated that she wanted to tryout when she was 22 but lack of money, costume, and childcare prevented her from doing so. So she still had dreams she wanted to accomplish but had kids instead. oops.

with that said there was another link at the bottom of the article about a Youtube quarterback. so someone posted a video of themselves online throwing a football and got a tryout for an NFL team? this brings me to my next gripe. what happened to hardwork? going out and seeking face to face interaction and the struggle? thats the problem with music today. to many "artists" are found online and reality shows rather than singing in front of train stations, airports, coffee shops, and talent shows. no longer is it necessary to work for something you really want b/c there are so many other avenues of being discovered.

The world has become to technilogical and it makes me sad. nothing is simple and kids under the age of 15 no anything about what life was like without cell phones, ipods, internet, hi tech video games, and good movies/music/cartoons.

I miss the days of simplicity,

and now you know

Its so interesting that in life you grow up wondering if you could really spend the rest of your life with one person. i remember back in middle school while dreaming up my fantasy wedding, how can you know you'll spend the rest of your life with just one person??? it seems so ridiculous. i looked at my parents and thought, wow they are never gonna make it. and a time or two they almost didn't. they got married b/c mama found out she was pregnant with me so she went ahead and got married. daddy was 21 at the time and mama was 28. 21 seems so freakin young to get married. esspecially for a man but daddy felt it was his duty and he had already asked her to marry him once but she declined. hell she was about to break up with him when that damned stick came out positive. its not my fault. my philosophy is, i don't have sex with a man i wouldn't want to have a child with. its really that simple with me. therefore i've only had sex with 2 men and only once with each.

anyway that's not my point, the point here is marriage and finding "the one". i have felt this way for about a year now and i've expressed this thought to a couple of people but i just know its true. i have found the one i'm going to marry. it may be years down the line but i just know i'm going to marry this boy but i've got to wait on him to realize he wants me that bad too. lol. he's a good guy, just too young for all that. i'm pushing 30 and it worries me to death i'm going to end up alone and childless. i want children more than anything but i have never wanted to START my family in my 30's. while i still have 3 years before i turn 30 the odds of me getting married or pregnant by then are rather slim b/c i still would want a long engagement.

i don't want to be a single mom living on the government and working harder than i have to just b/c i want a child. i really don't know anyone that would want that but they are out there. i know i would have my mom's support but i want to raise a family not just a child. whatever God has in store for me i just have to accept it and i know His plan is a pretty good one b/c that special moment i had waited for, for 25 years was well worth the wait so i know its just not my time.

but i do know i'm going to marry that certain boy one day and i'll be waiting :)

Sink or swim baby

ok so my last post was pretty much woe is me but it was a wonderful thing. i should have written an update (like it really matter b/c no one even reads this lol) the next day b/c something amazing happened. believe what you wish but i believe in God and His mysterious ways. I feel like His plan for me is like anyone elses and even though I feel like i'm never going to see any of my dreams come true I know that in due time i will be living the life i want. anyway, the night i posted my last blog i prayed and ever since my dad died my praying has become very infrequent. that tends to happen when something lifechanging happens like that. but anyway, i know God still loves me an was just waiting for me to come around again b/c i always do.

so we had a nice long chitchat about how i was feeling and such and lo and behold i had a very nice dream. a positive dream and have been doing so every since! the two loves of my life have entered my dreams but both with positive messages along with everything else. i know everything is going to be alright i just have to trust in the Lord and accept His path for me and be patient as hard as that is! He made me a very impatient person!

on an even better know i am about to start a new job! i quit the hellhole i was working at last week only to begin another job 2 days later. well i quit that job yesterday while i was still in training to begin another resturaunt job BUT the perk to this one is, this job is going to be fun! they encourage their employees to have personality and enjoy themselves while at work! i am very excited and hope it works out! i've applied for "real" jobs but haven't heard anything yet. doubt i will. they always want someone with experience and all i've got to offer is food service.  their loss.

Changes

So i have come to the conclusion that i am just not meant to have anyone to call my own and you know what? that is ok. my dreams have certainly told me that nothing will be going my way at this time and i believe it. i can't find a new job no matter how many i apply for, my job makes me miserable, my friends are failing me, and i just generally unhappy but i'm coming to terms with it. i'm either working or sleeping. that is what my life consists of these days but i rather go on a vacation. a vacation far far away from this place for a very very long time. i need to get away in the worst way. i had thought about not going on the cruise with my family but i'm going. i need to get away and i can always go back to the cabin for solice b/c i refuse to let anyone ruin my trip.

now as far as the boy goes i'm ok with it. things have happened and suprisingly i'm not hurt as much as i thought i could be. i'm the other woman. period. i have no rights in that particular relationship so i really don't have the right to get upset when he's doing things for his girlfriend but what hurts the most out of the whole situation, what he did was OUR thing. at least i thought it was so if he could do it now who's to say he didn't do the same things with her in the beginning of their own relationship? he's lies to me all the time anyway so i guess it doesn't come as big of a shock.  i'm sure in due time i will be in contact with him but right now i'm not concerned with it. he was in my dreams over the weekend and it was a positive dream which is what is weird. oh well, i deserve better and maybe he will grow up enough to realize what he's missing out on.

as far as the other boy goes, it never fails that every few months i manage to miss him and fall for him all over again and the saddest part about it is this, he does absolutely nothing for me to do so. he's just himself and i can't help at laugh at the things he posts on facebook b/c i can hear him and see him saying what he posts. he loves me :) he just has to become older to realize just how much :)

Make that Change

Today i woke up and didn't even have the urge to check my facebook.  progress is being made. i've also come to the conclusion that i'm going to revert back to my old reclusive ways. i have nothing better going on.  i work all the time and its not like i have a line of people wanting to hang out so i'll just do what i need to do on my own.  i'm going to join a gym soon. i 'm pretty excited about that.  i was going to start going to Bingo on Thursday nights but now i'm scheduled to work Thursdays so there goes that plan! but i'm still working on that new job thing.

something else i'd like to talk about today is friendship. i don't have a big circle of close friends. i don't even have a big circle of friends to chill with. and when those you consider your closest friends don't bother to try and contact you but once every week or 2 its rather insulting that there is a lack of communication and care. i'm done giving and giving and giving and not getting anything in return. i know you're arent suppose to expect anything but i've always been this way. i don't expect anything for the sake of my heart, its because those around me are that transparent and that is sad. 

Over it

As of tomorrow night it would have been an entire week since i last logged onto Facebook. the first couple days were definatly the hardest b/c well, i've checked it everyday for the past 6 friggin years!!!!  then i got sad b/c i realized that i dont have as many friends as i thought i did. at least any friends that would even notice i wasn't online anymore.  so tonight i decided to sign back in and see what i missed and all i can say is, i deactivated it once again. i missed NOTHING! the same old shit by the same people! its sad really that here i was all sad that no one seemed to care that i was gone when all that i'm surrounded by are shallow people.  the best thing i could have done is deactivate and step away from this quickly becoming irellevant waste of space on the internet.  will i sign back in later, most definatly b/c i can't get on Pinterest w/o it but i will definatly be lessening my time on it.  i feel so much better already!

in other news, my fat is getting out of control! i'm looking at my stomach right not and I am so disappointed in myself but not much i can really do at the moment. i think i'm just bloated :) lol.  that gym membership is getting close!

Miss me yet? Guess not.

So on Tuesday i made the decision to deactivate my Facebook account for several reasons. I have been thinking about it for a while now, i'm talking months, and something just hit me that it needed to be done.  I've gotten so tired of all the changes no one wants, all the drama on my newsfeed, those stupid games, constant updates of nothingness, the game requests that i don't play, and just plain dumbness. I'm tired of being scared of scrolling down my feed and seeing something i don't want to in regards to things that shouldn't matter to me. things such as a the boy issues! i have already "unsubscribed" from one person's updates to save me from seeing her proclaim her love for the boy that doesn't love her back with the same passion when in face he cares for me too. the other i can't stand to see her be so happy with my one true love that doesn't have a clue. they are great for eachother and i am VERY happy for them but i rather not see it. 

its only been 3 days and i am BORED! so bored.  i do miss it and not knowing whats going on with my friends but that sad thing is, only one of my friends have even noticed something amiss.  i've been on facebook since 2005 and not once have i not been on there without explanation! i've been waiting for my other friends to hit me up asking what's up but so far nothing. I kind of like the silence of my phone but its not like i had that many people blowing up my phone in the first place. I'm a pretty lonely person.  Here it is, Friday night and not even those i call my besties offered to get together. the one person that i always talked to via text isn't available to do so at the moment so i definatly know where i stand in society. All my friends are mostly married while the one single best friend i do have has other things to do that young people do. 

But i can't say that i'm really concerned about the lack of concern from my peers. like i said, its only been 3 days so my stalkers probably haven't even noticed yet and those that have just aren't alarmed that my page looks different and i no longer have a picture OR they think i've just deleted them. lol. 

In the time i've had away i've managed to read The Hunger Games and Catching Fire. I'm currently on the 3rd book. i've still managed to get distracted by other things i've found to replace Facebook. I really don't know how long i'll stay away. maybe just a week, maybe a month, or maybe longer. i'm just going through withdrawal but i hope those that i consider friends notice soon so its not done in vain. 

le sigh

the past few weeks have been rather emotional for me as far as my heart and feelings go. on Valentine's Day i was having a great day. the majority of people i was working with were enjoyable, i made decent money for such a night, and i had to close but i digress. it was a text i got from a blast from the past person that threw me for a loop. see my heart is pretty much split intwo by two different guys. i know what its like to be in love with two people at the same time but my heart definatly goes to the blast from the past. it was a random text but it was enough to have all the memories and emotions flooding back to me with him. i replied back but heard nothing else. turns out he broke up with his girlfriend that night and judging by the facebook update of such it was around the same time he text me. its not the first time this has happened. but a week went by and i heard nothing from him. so i wrote it exactly a week later and we taked for a couple hours but as luck would have it, they are back together. i'm not suprised and there was no real indication he was interested but the pattern is this, when he breaks up with his girlfriends he always comes back to me if even for a short period of time.  either way i just want him to be happy and his gf is adorable.

as far as the other guy goes its been a week since i've gotten a letter but it doesn't bother me b/c i understand he probably doesn't have access to the materials. i know i'll hear from him soon though.

I will always love you

Lord why'd you take her! Why Whitney!!!! WHYYYYYY! i am very sad about the passing of the great Whitney Houston. she was beautiful and talented but let the Hollywood lifestyle get the best of her along with Bobby's struggles as well. i've been listening to her songs and had forgotten she even sang some of the greatest songs in the 90's! I'm so glad she left a legacy of great dance songs and songs that can relate to every aspect to the emotion of love.

Speaking of love, I am IN love and it is such a wonderful feeling! Time will eventually work out in my favor but for now i'm going to embrace what ive been given :)

yeah, its like that

Waking up with a smile on your face b/c of nothing at all is the BEST feeling ever! this is what being in love feels like so that means 1 of 2 things are gonna take place. God is either teasing me with these feelings and everything will come crashing down soon OR God is finally giving me what i've desired and its my time to finally be happy. i am confident that something good is going to come from these feelings. i'm just going to live in the moment and love him as much as i can for as long as he'll let me <3

Praise it i'm back!

*waves* hey to those that don't read this. haha. i got locked out of my account and just now figured out the correct password combination.

anyway, so much has happened since my last post.  i am proud to say i am still in love more than ever with a certain person. and its not the 18 year old :). he still has a piece of my heart but another piece has gone to someone else. it has now been over a year since our twisted relationship has began and i wouldn't change it for anything. our relationship is as complicated as it gets and i'm not ashamed to be in it. we both wish things could be different but the timing just happens to be off at the moment. its just sad when 2 people want to be together but cant due to circumstances beyond their control.  it happens and people can judge it all they want but until they've been put in that situation it really is different. i used to say the same thing. that men that cheated were dogs and i would never fall into that kind of category. i admit, i am a hussy.  i know about the girlfriend yet i continue to do what i'm doing. ive decided i'm just going to live in the moment b/c their moment will come to an end. actually in reality they will probably end up married b/c he has gotten so far trapped into it that he can dig himself out anymore. 

feel free to judge, roll your eyes, call me a bitch but you don't want in my shoes or feel what i feel. you can't help who you fall for.

in other news, my laptop is back up and running.  i finally was able to purchase a new adapter for it and after a few hours of installing the updates from 3 months of not being used she's ready to be used again! she is definatly older b/c the battery doesn't hold up like it used to. i've had this computer for several years now though, since 2006 or 7 so i could use a new one but this one works just fine for my needs. i'm not in school and using it strictly for personal use.

i still hate my job and always looking for a new one! had an interview yesterday so lets hope i get it! a 3rd job wont be so bad!

ttfn!

Love and the rest of the complications

Love is a funny thing. i mean don't get me wrong, i know what love is. its amazing. floating on cloud 9 sort of thing but then comes the complications. love isn't exactly rocket science. its a very simple thing. you can't stop thinking about that one person and you find that one person you can't stop thinking about and then if really have strong feelings for that person the inevetable happens. you finally get it out of the way. take the plunge. at this point its one of those things that can make or break your feelings. *sigh* thats when things can become really complicated but i'm not worried at this point. it was meant to happen. no regrets, just love :)

50's lady or 10's sluts?

so on facebook a debate has started as to who should approach who when it comes to dating. that debate started from another question on someone elses status now a guy is giving his point of view and well, its not the most polite discussion on his part. anyway, my opinion on the subject is this, everyone is different!

i want to be courted and persued. period. i am and old soul and believe in romance. plus i'm southern and well wanted to be treated like the lady i am! the point that hussies tend to hurt the good girls chances at guys was made. where i live young women give it up like its going out of style. don't get me wrong, i don't see anything wrong in getting yours when you can. that is totally their choice but don't be offended if you are called a slut b/c of it. i lost my virginity at 25 to someone i am VERY happy to have lost it too. we werent in a relationship, at least a formal one, but to me it was meant to be. i wouldn't change it for anything. the timing was right. i don't know how some girls can just go out there and let a guy pop it in just for a little bit of satisfaction and that be it. i mean thats pretty much how it happened but i know deep down it meant a little something to him too. hes a guy, a young one at that, and i didn't expect him to cuddle or talk about it. i mean we did talk about it later and months after but its all good. i feel no regret, i wasn't heartbroken, he had already done that a few months before, didn't feel used or any of that. thats how i knew it was right.

but i definatly want a man to court me, get to know me, wait a couple months before trying to bed me! the guy i speak of often hasn't tried to lay me down once. i know he wants to and it more than likely won't happen anytime soon but its been almost a year and the time we have spent together we haven't even kissed! oh boy do i want to though! it took me a while to even want to. i don't really know why. it was nice just being around him. we can talk and have good conversation. i don't get that often but we want the same things it just can't happen now. i could sit here and say that it will happen sooner or later but i said the same thing with the other guy and it still hasn't happened. 2 years later... but that guy is just a baby with a lot of learning to do. i'm going to marry him someday :)  this other guy, i can see myself marrying him too. i just want to crawl inside him and lay there and i still don't think id be close enough to him. is that the definition of soulmate?

anyway, i am fine where i'm at now. its been a hard pill to swallow but slowly but surely things are coming my way!

Timing is everything

I am a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. we don't always have the answers right in front of us when we want them too. since my dad passed this saying is so true. don't get me wrong and think i don't do anything to try and make things happen but i don't push the issue either. Love falls into that category.  there is this guy. he really likes me and while we are friends and yes hes younger, he wants all the answers to his problems now. unfortunatly its not that easy and all i really want to do is tell him what i think he should do but that isn't my place. what he should do is break up with his girlfriend, deal with whats going on now without that bourdon (s/p), and start fresh when the situation is over. but that's up to him.

we talked for a couple hours yesterday. it was so good to hear his voice and that crackly cackle of his when he's sleepy. i'm so glad that we've become such good friend. i only wish he would open up to me as much as he says. i know more than he probably thinks i do about his situation but he hasn't told me. oh well, its not really my place to be told i guess but he does say he trusts me and can really talk to me.

so my advice to anyone out there in a tight spot and not sure what to do. if you're in a relationship but not happy with who your with, don't think you have to stick with them just b/c. people that are with eachother for years breakup all the time. its no big deal. do whats best for you not everyone else.

we all speak English right?

pet peeve #453975 of mine is this, when people don't use proper grammar! when you reach a certain age in my book there comes a time when the way you speak and write reflect your intellegence. we learn the difference between their, there, and they're in elementary school. not i'm from the south and yes i have an accent but i don't sound like the uneducated bumbling idiot you see on tv and in the movies. i speak well and have sense enough to know what words go where! you look stupid when you don't use the correct words! there is a difference between Ms. Miss, and Mrs. one indicates not sure if being married or not. in pageants it just puts you in a different category b/c you're in between the Miss and Mrs age divisions. Miss indicates single status and Mrs. means married. and yes it does matter. Since, Sense, and Cents. Your and You're. Affect and Effect. its just simple things that make or break how people see you. use proper grammar. no one is perfect but damn spellcheck is on everything these days and if there isn't then pull up Word and use it there! oh yeah, there is another, to, too, and two.

Good day and more bitching to come later i'm sure!

Boots and Boys

Today i would like to talk about boys. this is a topic that i will speak of on more than one occation. so here goes. i like them young. i'm 26 but am in love with an 18 year old. my first kiss was when i was 24 and with an 18 year old. i just like my guys young. i get it honest with my grandmother and my mama. my parents were 7 years apart, granny was only a few months older than my gramps, and the same with my maternal grandparents. i'm a late bloomer in life so it shouldn't comes as a shock that i would like them young. i can relate to them better. it doesn't make me a bad person nor a predator. people tell me all the time that i need a man and find someone my age or older. um, thanks but they are no better! just b/c someone is older doesn't make them better that's for sure. on that note i will say i have no luck in the boyfriend department. my dad was always the man in my life. i just never felt the need to run out and have a boyfriend. he provided for me, call me old fashioned, and i had no real worries. don't get me wrong, i worked and hated taking money from him when he offered it and when i did ask for money it was very small amounts. i'm talking $20 or less. anyway, after he died i ventured into the land of boys!!!! my first kiss came the summer after he passed away. what a magical time before it went to hell. i am not one to regret and i don't. i could not have asked for a better first kiss. i thought wow, this is going to be an awesome summer. a week later it went to pot. that's what happens when you live in a smalltown and you're a hot guy with a reputation. needless to say he got what he wanted with a girl he'd been wanting for over a year. that relationship only lasted 2 months. i'm still friends with both of them to this day.

next guy to enter my life was his best friend. and let me tell ya, the work OOPS doesn't even begin to describe the next year of our lives. needless to say, that kid impacted my life more than anyone and i know he certainly didn't mean to do so. the guy after that is another doozy. why do guys already in relationships seem to fall so hard for me? i mean damn. if you aren't happy in your current relationship why drag them and the other girl along? i'm no saint and i'm not claiming to be but let me tell ya, don't use the excuse that you're young and not ready to settle down deter you from being happy in your current life! so what if the girl you want to be with could be your wife one day. be with her if that is what makes you happy NOW b/c one day she will be gone and you missed out. another guy i dealt with was totally different. all the above were white guys with dark hair and blue eyes. the last guy was total opposite. out of my usual zone but willing to give him a try. BIG.MISTAKE. lesson learned, never date a guy that breaks up with his girlfriend the day before. i mean it was evident that he liked me and probably had for quite some time. we'd known eachother for years but he screwed up any type of friendship later in life. i didn't even like him to begin with but was willing to give it a try only to be shafted once again! i'm defective.

so anyway, here we are. i'm in love with one guy and really close with another. here are my criteria of what i'm looking for:

Natural Born Male (lol)
Employed
Nonsmoker preferred (highly)
Attatchment free ( dramatic ex's, no children, no ex-wives, etc...)
Must have an appreciation for 90's music. and i'm talking about more than knowing a couple Nirvana songs
Have goals and aspirations.

are those too hard to have? while what i'm really attracted to are skinny white boys with dark hair and blue eyes, i am open to anyone that is attractive with a good personality. there are a couple guys at work that are very good looking, only one i would want to get to know better, but their personalities kill me. that's another posting though.

so there you have it. a little glimpse into my boy issues. nothing real exciting but what's important to me :)


anyway, and that is about as far as it goes with my experience with guys. had my first date at 21, first kiss at 24, and turned in my v-card at 25. and none of these guys were my boyfriends. lol.

grin and bear it people!

Today's gripe is about drama and bitchassness!

so it is the new year. many are saying they are getting a fresh start and how things are going to be different. first of all, a new start can begin at any time. its just cliche and typical to start it on January 1st.  if you want to make a change then do it. i'm kind of OCD about starting things on a good round number but its not really going to make that much of a difference. so if its October 13th and you are ready for a change then start it on October 13th. anyway i digress. the point i'm making is, trying to make changes on New Year's rarely are successful.

with all that said, some people and things just never change. If you are a bitch last year you are probably still going to be a bitch in the new year. if you are clueless and naive in your relationship with a guy with the reputation of being a liar, then i would guess you will still be naive in the new year! some people just don't change! i don't care how old you are, how long you've lived, what you've been through in life, what you're going through right now in your life, or any of that, you should always be thankful and grateful for what you DO have! i've been through some shit in life but i'm still living and though i LOATHE my job, at least i've got one and i feel i have the right to complain and sulk about my past i don't. my dad taught me that life goes on and life isn't far. complaining about things out of your control gets you no where.

my favorite thing is when people with money complain about anything! esspecially young people that never worked a day in their lives b/c mommy and daddy pay for everything and more than likely will until they get married then their husbands will take care of them. its pathetic. you got a brand new car at 16 that you didn't need and wrecked a week after you got it, youre in a sorority in college where you have to pay thousands of dollars to be a part of, you live in an apartment your parents are paying for you to have, and you don't have to work. what is there to complain about?

another favorite is girls complaining about boys, whether it be their boyfriends or a boy they're talking to. if you're in a relationship and you know he has a reputation of being a liar and has a shady past then when you're being told by people you trust things he may or may not be doing, you should definatly think something is up! i mean really. there is a girl i know, she's dating this guy. he's very good looking, tall, has a good job but has a reputation. his girl has been told on occation of things he has done, she's confronted him about it but his smoothtalking ways puts her at ease and she drops it. he has been playing her like a fiddle since they've been dating. they'll probably get married and he will continue to play her b/c she's just that easy to do it to.

lets talk about drama now. there seems to be an apparent age bracket that calls for constant drama in a person's life. this is a time when both guys and girls date either older or our of town b/c the dramatic girls in their own town ruin a good thing for anyone! so it appears everyone calls you a whore. people that shouldn't know these things know this b/c people talk about it so much. if you are being called a whore i would bet money i don't have that you probably have whorish tendencies! it is never in once interest to date someone for an extended period of time only to start dating someone else a few days later. i thought you were in love? *waits 5 minutes* oh wow, you've broken up with that guy now? *waits 5 more minutes* oh NOW you're talking to the guy that has the reputation of being a whore as well and that you told me less than a year ago that you hated. hahahaha, totally saw that one coming. he's lonely and you're desperately in love with him so it only makes sense. and now people are talking about you b/c of it. get over it and move on. if you want him then enjoy him, the best you can with him being so far away. the things he says to you are the same things he says to every girl he's with. trust me <3. girls in small towns are very dramatic and while its fun to read about and watch unfold on facebook, its just something else that annoys me and make me appreciate the fact that i have grown up and have a better sense of morals than most.

now brings me to bitchassness. i have to deal with bitchassness everyday! from the time i get up i deal with it with my mother. she is either stomping around the house b/c she apparently doesn't have the ability to walk lightly, slamming cabinet doors when she closes them at all, yelling at the dog or cat for whatever reason, or slamming the front door as she's leaving for work. all of this early in the mornings while i'm trying to sleep. yes i am 26 years old still living at home, rent free, but now we're both adults and there is a little thing called respect. i stay away from her as much as possible but good grief. have a little respect at 6am and be quiet! if my dad was still around she wouldn't be all loud. the best part is, is when shes trying to sleep during normal daytime hours and i wake her up! she tries to get all pissy. i don't think so.

if i'm not dealing with it at home i'm dealing with it driving to work. it takes me about 20 minutes to get from my house to my job in the next county and thats including the stoplights i hit with no traffic. its a two lane road so why in the hell do people insist on riding my ass all the way there when all they have to do is pass me???????? i can't afford to keep my gas tank full so i've got to improvise on my gas mileage techniques and that comes in the form of cruise control. the road to work is a 55 MPH highway so i set my cruise at at least 60. i'm not going any faster so if you don't like it then pass me. i can't afford a ticket and i'm not going to speed to appease your need for speed.

third dealing with bitchassness. my job. no i don't have a college degree therefore i have to resort to working crappy jobs until i'm either discovered as a model and can make good enough money that i don't have to work, i find a sugar daddy, marry rich, or get a degree and manage to find a job in my chosen field. since none of these are realistic options i'm stuck trying to find a job i enjoy so i'll stay. this means working with many i don't like. don't get me wrong, i enjoy some of the folks i work with but others not so much. not everyone is going to like everyone. i am one of those people. i'm the type of person that has no particular reason to dislike someone, i just don't like some people. everyone has annoying qualities and others have more. some of the people i work with make me want to hit them with a freshly brewed pot of coffee. lol. one thing i've learned in life is this, just b/c you are attractive doesn't give you the right to walk around like your shit don't stink. i'm impressed that some people work at all b/c they think they're so pretty but props to them! but then i learn that those same people are pretty much just working to support their habit of constantly partying. haha. i can't stand it when i'm running my ass off at my job while those same people don't do shit! standing around talking about what happened the night before or making their nightly plans. um there is food to be ran and guests to serve!

bitchassness is just an issue that shouldn't be taken lightly and i don't have time for it anymore!  i've been doing well to take myself away from the issue at hand but boy is it difficult when i have to encounter it day after day!

i do believe that is all i've got for now. more to come tomorrow. i'm sure i'll have a good story or two to pop off with :)

playing Ketchup already

so tomorrow i have to work all day. 8am til about 10pm. while i'm not scheduled but 3 days this work week it still blows to know i'm spending so much time at a place i dispise so much! so i've decided this post is going to be how much i hate my job and hopefully give people yet another insiders opinion of how your actions affect those of is in the sithdown resturaunt industry :).

Alright, first things first. My position at work are Hostess and Server so I get 2 sides of dealing with people face to face each time i work. As a Hostess we have the distinct "pleasure" of being smiley and polite while guests/customers come to our host stand and are ready to be sat. Here is where the problems begin.

If the phonecall that has been made to or from you is so important that you can't speak to me and give me your undivided attention so I can effectivaly do MY job then please do not come to me wanting to be sat. it is rude of you and pretty much just annoys me.

If you can't open your mouth and speak to me and tell me how many are in your party then please don't bother. i think the most obnoxious thing anyone can do is when they are walking toward me and either mouth how many or hold up with their fingers the number of people in their party! you need a table for 2? holding up 2 fingers only makes me think you're a hippy and giving me the peace sign. 5 in your party? don't be shocked if i give you a high five and ask how many people we need to seat for you.

Another thing that bugs the CRAP out of a Host or Hostess, if there is a particular table in a resturaunt you do or don't want to sit by all means tell them. We sit you at a certain table for a reason, its called rotation and it is what's best of the servers. you want the best service possible right? it is OUR job to seat people accordingly and it is not your the best interest for us to double and triple seat servers so when we seat you in the back of the resturaunt don't take it personal, its all part of rotation. but by telling us you would like a windowseat or you don't want to sit next to the kitchen, that is perfectly ok and we will be more than happy to try and accomodate that request but do so when we first greet you b/c i do not feel like running all over the floor to apease you b/c you're picky and can't speak up.

Now lets talk about guests from a Server's point of view shall we?

when you go out to eat do people really understand the ramifications of how they act in public? i have encountered some of the MOST annoying, abnoxious, and downright rude people and people with such a sense of entitlement i've ever seen!  i think it should be mandatory for EVERYONE to have to work in a customer service, face to face type of job for a week and see what its like on the other side then people may feel a little ashamed by the way they act towards others.

As a server i make $2.18 on the hour plus my tips. the company i work for mandates this. this company will probably never have a restuaraunt in certain states b/c they will not go up on the starting Server wage of $2.13 an hour. Yes i can make decent tips but its not worth the stress i get when trying to work for them. i am not an asskisser. never have been and never will be. If you can't afford to leave at least $3 on a $15 bill then please, don't eat out. Servers live off their tips, that is how they get paid. some days I don't make what someone making minimum wage does and in Kentucky that is $7.25. don't get my wrong, i am very pleased with any tips i get but i've got bills to pay and now that the beginning of the year is upon us, we're about to get screwed. business is going to be slowing down tremendously.

enough of the money issue lets talk about your role as a guest. it isn't hard. you're hungry and i am there to serve you food and send you on your way. i don't mind that, its a very simple thing that so many people seem to not be able to comprehend that sets the tone for the rest of the meal. READ THE FRIGGIN MENU!!!!! the menus are there for you to decide what you want to eat and what all comes with what you want. if you have questions them by all means, ask but good grief, most menus haven't changed in YEARS and when you've been in a place to eat multiple times a week for years on end then you should know what comes with what and one what. when i worked at a fastfood restuaraunt it killed me little by little inside when people asked if the meals came with drinks. it says it on the menu board and all meals have come with drinks for years!

another thing is know what you've ordered. i don't know how many times food can be ran to the table and the people sitting there look like the food placed before them have things growing in them! if you're memory is that bad then please see a doctor about it.

think its cute to knowingly going out to eat only to get up and leave and when its time for me to leave and I can't b/c you walked out on the check? do i really care about my place of employment? no actually i don't but it is my current workplace and i will respect it for as long as i'm employed but when you walk out on a check that is what causes a rise in foodcost and it hurts me and it makes you look like a fool too. it happens with all kinds of people so there are no real generalizations but no matter who you are, you are scum.

have you ever noticed, as a regular, you have asked to sit in a certain section only to be told an excuse and sat somewhere else? or you are sat in a requested section, you see the server you want but are being helped by someone else? yeah that's b/c they don't want you in their section and they have pawned you off to someone else. there are some gross people out there, usually men, and there are also just some people that have made an undesirable name for themselves that NO ONE wants to wait on. think about it, could you be one of those people?

i know what you're thinking, if i hate my job so bad then why don't i do everyone a favor and quit or find another job? um do you really think i haven't been working on that? trust me i have been looking since about the second month into this horrible excuse for a job but if you have any intelligence about you, you would know that jobs aren't exactly that available right now. i couldnt even get a call back for a seasonal job! online applications are about all anyone does anymore and after spending 30 minutes to an hour on one i get sent an email stating i'm not what they're looking for! i don't know what else they could want with the credentials i put and i have even reapplied with dumbed down responses but still can't get anywhere. 

So yes, i am looking for different employment and have had a few interviews but nothing yet. until then i have to suffer through the dumb people and continue to struggle like everyone else.

I feel better now that this is off my chest. i just hope people realize that pretty much the only perk of being a server is the instant money and the majority are college students. if it wasn't for them you wouldn't be eating so be mindful of how you treat them and tip accordingly :) 

*insert obligatory welcome title here*

*waves* well hello there. first off let me state that my lack of capitalizing at the beginning of my sentences may be a problem for some so i'm warning you now. if that bothers you then don't bother reading my posts b/c my keyboard inhales prefusely (s/p) and it can't keep up with the speed of my typing so its just easier this way.

Moving on now that my disclaimer is out of the way let me just get into the nitty gritty of things.  I am a 26 year old single woman still living at home with her mother while she works a crapass job at a sitdown resturaunt 20 minutes away in the next town and also working in a retail store in another city just to try and get a little money flow going in her life! i love cats and am destined to be a catlady. its cool i can deal. the men in my life are very few and the ones that do want to be in my life aren't exactly in the best position to do so but they choose to do it anyway. Hey don't judge til you've been there. no one is perfect except for Jesus and i know He loves me anyway! i will not mess with a married man though. totally off limits. that's a whole blog in itself though so definatly coming soon will be THAT story!

As 2012 has arrived I've chosen to really start something that will make a difference. I don't care if someone reads my stories and is negative about it, I wasn't put on this earth to impress you. I am a late bloomer in life and all the crap i'm going through now as far as relationships go I should have been doing 10 years ago! unfortunatly that is not how God wrote out my life plan but slowly and impatiently I am coming to terms with that. So please, i just ask that you keep an open mind when reading what i have to say b/c i am sure there is someone out there that can relate to what i have to say!

So Happy New Year and Welcome :)